Every Reason I Loved Her
by Gyni
Summary: Alex Wassabi loves his girlfriend Lauren but she's keeping secrets from him. He wants to trust her but something is wrong... the phone calls, the way she's scared... something is wrong. Alex is only sure of one thing. He loves her and he will do anything to keep her. (Laurex Fanfiction, daily updates)
1. Chapter 1

"Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever."

― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

I hear her music before I've completely woken up. I can hear her feet padding along the carpet as she dances to her music. I turn over and watch her. The sun rise casts streams of light over her as she swishes her hips and turns. Her arms reach toward the ceiling, as she does, the two black outlined stars on the front of her shoulder perfectly displayed. Her eyes are closed, her long dark hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back. She has a cup of tea in her hand, the one with the Eiffel tower on it and Paris written across it. I can smell the pumpkin spice from over here. She peels her eyes open and smiles when she sees me.

"Morning." She giggles plopping down on the bed. She offers me a cookie.

"Isn't it too early for sweets?" I ask as she waves the cookie back and forth in front of me.

"Nope." She smiles at me "not when you have tea." She sips her tea, her reddish-brown lipstick leaving a perfect print of her lips on the cup.

"You've already got your make up on?" I grab my phone and check the time "it's only six." I drop my head back.

"I know." She says, nodding her head, "the suns up." She smiles.

"Suns up so you're up." I roll my eyes, she says it every morning. I wrap my arm around her waist and slide her across the bed toward me and hold her against me. She giggles and holds her cup steady and she eats her cookie and everything is perfect. She is perfect.

"I love you, Lauren." I breathe in her scent as I press my face into her back. She's not floral like perfume, she just smells like Lauren.

"I love you, Alex." She giggles and she sips her tea and her fuzzy pajamas are soft against my face. _God I love this girl_ I think as I hold her. I don't want to let her go when she taps my arm and wiggles to escape my grasp.

"Up, let's go." She says spanking me.  
"Too early for that." I mumble pulling the pillow over my head, leaving just enough room to watch her walk out.

"I'll leave without you." She calls back.

"I'm up!" I close my eyes just for one more minute.

"Alex!" She snaps ripping the blanket away from me. "Come on, let go."

"Where?" I ask, she's already dressed, she dresses like a hippie. Her sweater is striped with black, grey, white and yellow. Her jeans hug her curves perfectly leading down to her heeled boots. She's wearing her favorite black fedora, the one with the smaller brim. She extends a similar fedora to me.

"Match with me today." She's smiling. I think matching is kind of cheesy but if it makes her happy, I'm okay with it.

"Did you pick my clothes out before or after yours?" I ask still in bed. She smiles "come find out. She sets the hat down and tugs on my arm. "Let's _go_." She pulls on my arm, I sigh and help her drag me out of bed.

The smell of coffee is all I care about as I stir the instant coffee into my own mug. Lauren is perched on the make-shift window seat in the corner as she sips on her second cup. I take a seat at the table, it's too early to be staring directly into the sun but she loves it. It's like she's afraid of missing even a second of the sun. Her eyes are closed when I look back at her, she's feeling the sun on her skin, the warmth of the cup in her hand. She appreciates those things, I just appreciate her.

"What time are Aaron and Veronica meeting us at the café?" I ask her.

Lauren doesn't open her eyes, she just angles her face the slightest bit toward me. "Ten." She says. Her chest rises and falls as she breathes deeply.

"That sounds like we can fit an hour or two nap in before we go." I suggest drinking my own morning addiction.

"Or we could go and explore the area around the Café and then meet up with them." She suggests her face never losing its relaxed expression.

"or…we could explore afterward." I suggest.

"You can take a nap." She says.

"Just me?" I ask. I love her curious nature but she can be difficult to keep up with.

"I can explore on my own for a bit and meet up with you at the Café with Aaron and Veronica." There's not a trace of annoyance on her face or in her voice right now. That's another thing I love about her, she never holds a grudge.

"Fine." I sigh "I'll come with you, but you owe me a donut."

"I've got just enough for a donut." She smiles, her eyes gliding open to look at me. Her eyes are this super dark brown, they almost look like the same color as her lipstick when the light shines directly on them.

"Alright then, I'm bought." I take another drink and she goes back to watching the sun rise and we don't talk. I love that we don't need to talk.

"Here here here!" Lauren jumps onto the edge of a fountain and hands me her phone "take a picture of me!" She's so excited over nothing. I raise the phone as she poses.

"You're awfully excited about a fountain." I say.

"It's not _just_ a fountain." She smiles wide with her mouth open and her leg up and I take another picture.

"The sun hits here _so_ perfectly." She raises her arms to the sky and she spins and I wonder how she doesn't fall. I take another picture because I want to look at them when I don't have her next to me.

"Over here!" Lauren jumps off the fountain edge and sits on a bench. She crosses her legs and holds her arms out in an exaggerated shrug and I take another picture.

"Sit." She orders patting the seat beside her. I do and she wraps her arms around me and I turned the camera on us. She hangs on my neck and my shoulders and she sticks her tongue out and holds out a peace sign and I take another picture. She turns and she smiles at me and I take another picture. I kiss her and I take another picture. I love the way her lips feel against mine.

"It's almost time." she says against my lips. I pull her into my lap and I take another picture.

"They can wait." I say not breaking the kiss.

"It's rude to keep people waiting." She kisses me back and she hops out of my lap and she's standing there and she's got that look on her face that says she's feeling impatient. "Life's too short for waiting." She grabs my hand and she pulls me up and we run down the street to the café and I love the way her hand feels around mine.

I let her lead me to our usual booth in the center of the biggest window, she pulls me in and she presses against the window.

"It's nine fifty-eight." I tell her "what if they keep us waiting."

"Then I'll drink tea and you'll drink coffee and we'll enjoy each other's presence." She watches the people outside the window, her face so close her breath is fogging it.

"can I start you off with something." A waitress comes to our table with a notebook and pen with a big fuzzy thing on one end.

"Yeah, if we could get a black coffee and a tea please." I offer a smile to the waitress.

"Sure thing, what kind of tea?" The waitress glances to Lauren, guessing who the tea is for. Lauren turns a brilliant smile on the waitress "chamomile, please."

"Little early for caffeine free, isn't it?" the waitress smiles at her, Lauren smiles back. I love her smile.

"If she had anymore caffeine she wouldn't be sitting." I joke. The waitress laughs and Lauren wrinkles her nose at me and goes back to staring out of the window. I take the chance to check my phone. There's an email notification at the top of the screen, one of the agents I queried. My hands shake as I click on the email.

Thank you for your submitting your work to us. Unfortunately, we don't feel this is the right fit for us. We wish you the best in your pursuits.

"Dang." I sigh and go to delete it when I feel Lauren rest her head against my shoulder.

"You'll get it." She says, wrapping her arms around my arm. She tilts her head back trying to maneuver around her hat and presses her lips to my cheek. "The right one will take your book, you'll see." She says, I can feel her smile against my cheek.

"Thanks." I tuck my phone away and take her hand with my other arm _that was one of my top five._ I try to shake the disappointment off, I knew this was going to be hard when I started. I just didn't know rejection was going to actually hurt. Good thing I have Lauren to soothe the sting. I kiss the top of Lauren's hat.

"Lauren!" Veronica screams.

"Veronica!" Lauren's voice is much gentler than Veronica's.

"You okay?" She whispers to me. I nod and Lauren swings her legs over me and throws herself at Veronica.

"Hey man." Aaron maneuvers around Veronica and Lauren and slides into the opposite side of the booth.

"Hey." I exhale and sit back.

"Another rejection?" Aaron asks.

"Yeah." I nod as Lauren and Veronica step over Aaron and me and take the seats next to the window.

"So…" Lauren leans over the table "how've you been?" she asks.

"You mean since two weeks ago, when we last saw them?" I laugh.

Lauren slides a glance at me "a lot can happen in two weeks." She says. "We got together within two weeks and we got our apartment in two weeks." She turns her eyes back to Veronica.

"You know you don't challenge her." Veronica giggles. Her hair is a mess of curls, her skin a coppery golden color. Lauren is a little jealous, in a friendly kind of way, of Veronica's skin. I try not to think of the conversations Lauren and I have had over Veronica.

"He's still sleepy." Lauren explains, as the waitress comes back with our drinks.

"Two more coffees." Veronica says, "and could we get a bowl of creamers and sugar packets too please."

"And a blueberry donut." Lauren tacks on, smiling at me.

"Alrighty." Hazel, the waitress bobs her head and goes to retrieve the coffees.

"We've been good." Veronica says, sliding a smile at Aaron. Aaron smiles back "just hanging out, exploring the city… dropping to one knee…" Veronica dangles a hand in front of Lauren and Lauren squeals.

"He did not!" She exclaims excitedly looking Veronica's hand over.

"What?" I try to look passed Lauren but she's practically on the table now.

"Alex, look!" She squeaks yanking Veronica's hand over the table for me to see. Sitting on Veronica's ring finger is a small clear stone.

"You didn't, Aaron." I can't help the laughter bubbling out of me.

"Course I did." Aaron snakes his arm out around Veronica and pulls her against him "I love her, I want her to be mine forever and I want everyone to know it." Aaron pulls Veronica against him and I slide a glance at Lauren. She's smiling, her face glowing as she looks as Aaron and Veronica. Her eyes just a little bit unfocused, maybe imagining me proposing to her. _Should I?_ I wonder as she rests her chin on her hand. _I don't even have money for a ring_ I think sweat starting to bead along my hairline _thanks a lot, man_ I glare at Aaron across the table but he's too busy with Veronica to notice.

"You guys are _so_ cute." Lauren says, sitting back in the chair. I try to find a trace of jealousy or longing on her face but when she turns her eyes to me, she just looks content.

"Aren't they?" She asks me. I've never met a person as sincere as Lauren, I can't help but smile back at her even though I'm still bummed over the rejection letter and the news Aaron one upping me on good boyfriend status.

"Yeah." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her against me "they're _so_ cute." I mimic her, she laughs and she lets herself rest against me as she takes a drink of her tea. _I love you_ I think to her, willing her to hear me.

"I love you, Alex." She whispers into her cup just loud enough for me to hear.

"Here we go." Hazel brings the coffees out and hands me my donut.

"big spenders today, huh?" Aaron joke with me.

"My motivation for the day." Lauren pipes in.

"Lauren!" Veronica giggles "you can't bribe your boyfriend."

"Of course, I can." Lauren says matter of fact, "but this was more of an incentive than a bribe."

"Same difference." Veronica rolls her eyes and and pushes the bowl of creamers and packets of sugar to Lauren.

"A bribe indicates something dishonest or illegal." Lauren says, "an incentive is motivation." Lauren starts opening the creamers and pours them in one at a time, Veronica shakes her head. I catch Veronica's eye "you know you don't challenge her, Veronica." I laugh and Veronica throws a creamer at me.

"Hey, no wasting food." Lauren crouches under the table and grabs the creamer and peels it open.

"You're right." Veronica says "I'm sorry. I'll finish my coffee and throw my cup at him instead."

"I guess that's better." Lauren finished fixing Veronica's coffee and sits back. Her eyes drifting to the window again, her hands curl around her cup. Her smile is soft, her eyes dreaming. I pull my eyes away from her as she turns her eyes back to Veronica as if she suddenly remembered her friend is here.

"Dude." Aaron punches me on the arm.

"Yeah." I look at him.

"Be my best man." He's got a huge grin stretched across his face, his arm around Veronica's shoulders.

"Me?" I ask. Aaron laughs "Yeah, of course." Aaron holds his arms out "who else?"

"Jason?" I guess. Aaron rolls his eyes "dude, you've been my best friend for the last six years. I though asking Veronica to marry me was gonna be the hardest part."

I slide a glance at Lauren, she's got this huge smile all the way across her face _say yes_ she mouths to me.

"Yeah." I say "sure."

Aaron stands up "He said yes!" he yells to the café. Applause breaks out and I drop my head back part from embarrassment and part out of disbelief _Aaron getting married_ I shake my head. _who'd have thought it?_

Lauren and Veronica laugh and applaud and Aaron takes my hand holds it up. The waitress comes back with pieces of apple pie for everyone and a couple three tables down pays our bill.

"You're an idiot, Aaron." I shake my head at him.

"He did get us a free meal." Lauren says wrapping her arms around me.

"Yeah, you should be thanking him." Veronica giggles, her arm wrapped around Aaron while he drapes his arm over her shoulders.

"Except I'm gonna have a problem with sharing." Veronica turns narrowed eyes on Aaron.

"babe." Aaron drops his head to the side.

"Yeah, Aaron." Lauren says leaning around me as we walk. "I'm not okay with sharing, Alex. We kind of already have a thing."

"Okay, okay." Aaron sighs and sweeps Veronica off her feet. "Guess It's just me and you then." Aaron kisses her Lauren pulls me to stop right there, pulls her phone out and presses her lips to mine. She snaps a picture and leans back, her eyes following the rays of the sun peeking through the buildings.

"The light is perfect here." She smiles and tucks her phone away.

"Wait, let me see it." I reach for her phone but she steps away and shakes her head. Her eyes bright with amusement "it's a secret." She kisses me again and takes my hand and she runs to catch up with Veronica and Aaron. I love the way she keeps these little secrets.

Veronica and Aaron stand beside Lauren and me and we walk in no particular direction. None of us are on our phones. That's Lauren's rule, when we're together we stay off our phones except a few pictures or a video along the way.

"Lauren." Veronica says as she and Lauren drift closer to each other.

"Yes." Lauren links arms with Lauren.

"Be my maid of honor." Veronica smiles, Lauren smiles.

"Duh." She says, "it took you long enough to ask."

"Well, Aaron kind of took the moment." Veronica glances over her shoulder at us and makes a face at Aaron.

"You're right." Lauren sighs "thanks a _lot_ Aaron." She slides a playfully annoyed glance at Aaron.

"Man… I just can't do anything right today." Aaron sighs but he's still smiling. I've never seen him so relaxed. Like asking Veronica to marry him put him at a new level of peace. I watch Lauren again _should I ask her?_ I wonder _but how would I get a ring?_ I kind of want to punch Aaron, Lauren must be wondering when I'll ask her, maybe she's questioning our relationship now. She'll look for someone ready to marry her now.

"Dude." Aaron punches me on the arm again.

"Dude." I snap at him rubbing my arm. That one actually kind of hurt.

"Stop worrying." Aaron says looking serious "you and Lauren are solid, now was just… it was just the right time for us." Aaron sighs as if he just breathed years of stress away.

"How am I gonna know if now is right for her but not me? What if she doesn't even want to marry me?"

"Talk to her." Aaron says "Veronica and I, we talk, I knew she wanted to get married soon and after talking to her about why… I realized I did too so…" Aaron shrugs "here we are, getting married on September 16th of next year."

"Doing a big wedding?" I ask.

"Veronica's doing a big wedding. I just taste cake and show up." Aaron locks his arms behind his head. Lauren's phone rings, Lauren always puts her phone on silent when we go out. She takes a look at the number on her phone, her brows draw together.

"Sorry guys. I'm waiting for a phone call." Lauren steps away and answers the call. Her eyes narrow a bit.

"I told you not to call me again." she tries to whisper but I can hear the anger in it. Lauren doesn't get angry over anything.

"Hey." Lauren walks over to me and tucks herself under my arm. She wraps an arm around her stomach and chews on her thumbnail.

"everything okay?" I ask pulling her hair off her shoulder.

"huh…" Lauren glances at all of us staring at her. the anger and confusion vanishes as if it were never there and she smiles "yeah, just… wrong number." Lauren is a bad liar. I love that's she's a bad liar.

"Oh, guys." Aaron glances at the time "I got work in a bit so I gotta bounce."

"Quick photoshoot." Lauren pulls her phone out first and we all pose. Veronica with Aaron. I roll my eyes and hold my hand out for the camera. Lauren snaps a few more of me and Aaron and me and Veronica before she hands me the camera. Aaron and Lauren stand on either side of Veronica and plant a kiss on each cheek. I take all the pictures they pose for and then we squish in for a few group pics, of course, Veronica has a selfie stick on hand.

"We'll catch you later." Lauren and I wave to Aaron and Veronica as they run to catch the subway.

"What now?" I ask Lauren. She could ask to go shopping, which she does love. She could corner me now and demand why I haven't asked her to marry me, she doesn't. Instead she smiles and she takes a deep breath and she nods toward the streets. "This."

"This what?" I ask.

"Walk…be with each other." She says.

"Are you sure you don't want to do something more fun?" I ask. She shakes her head "you've got to go to work in a few hours, I won't see you until three in the morning and then I work tomorrow morning and I won't see you again until after one. _This_ is perfect." She says, "just me and you after a nice morning with our friends."

"Okay." I kiss the top of her head, the subtle scent of her fruity shampoo filling my nose. I love her shampoo.


	3. Chapter 3

"To live would be an awfully big adventure"

-J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan


	4. Chapter 4

I run from table to table, cleaning them off as waitresses rush to set new places and the dinner rush surges in. The atmosphere is calm, the usual instrumental music playing in the background, the regulars coming in for their regular dinners but the staff is rushing, these people with their expensive shoes and designer watches have no idea what it looks like in the back. Everyone rushing around everyone struggling to get things out on time and looking good. Its organized chaos as I rush back with the plates and drop them in the sink. I pull on some gloves and start washing the plates. The water is scolding as I rinse the plates off and drop them in the dish washer. My hands are red when they come out but I head back out and ready for round two anyway. I ignore the sweat on my forehead as I smile and I clear plates. I greet people and ask them how their meal is and in the back corner I see a little girl with a cupcake in front of her, a single candle in the center as her parents pat her sing to her in some language I don't know. I imagine it's their equivalent of the Happy Birthday song. I pause for just a second to watch. I remember how my mom sang to me with a premade cake from the grocery store and those trick candles. She loved birthdays and holidays and any day that was an excuse to pay more attention to me. I feel a little pang at the absence of my mom. Six years and it still hurts to think about, the car accident, the healing. Man, Lauren saved my life. Even two years after the accident I was low, I never really did make peace with losing my mom. Not until Lauren came into my life and knocked me right off my feet. Literally, we just ran into each other and we were listening to the same song and I said something stupid and cheesy. To this day I know she only said yes out of pity for me but hey, love is love, right?

"Alex." Heather barks "get a little pep in your step, would ya?" she flies by me with a big tray of food. I go back to gathering the dishes. I stop by the birthday girls table and I clear their plates.

"Birthday?" I ask not faking my interest for this one.

"I'm seven now!" The girl squeaks. Holding her hands up.

"Woah!" I exclaim "congratulations." Her parents laugh and she smiles at them and they're a picture perfect family.

"Enjoy the rest of your birthday." I give her a thumbs up and her giggles follow me into the back as I wash another round of dishes. Rinse and repeat.

 _It shouldn't only be midnight_ I think as I clear the final tables off and take the dishes back to the kitchen. The waitresses are tired as they count their tips and do the books. My legs are killing me as I start on the never-ending dishes piled in the sink. The usual slackers already bailed, the usual workers, me, stayed to pick up the slack. I yawn as I scrub at the dishes. I close my eyes just to rest them for a second.

"Alex." Heather pats me on the back. "Wanna go out with me and the others for a few drinks?" she asks. I shake my head and give her a smile "nah, my girl's waiting for me at home." I say. I love calling Lauren my girl.

"Come on." Heather presses "I know a great new place right down the way." Heather pulls herself up onto the counter beside the sink and swings her legs. I love it when Lauren does that, she just looks so carefree.

"Thanks." I say and her face changes for a second, her eyes are a little brighter.

"but I'm gonna head home as soon as I finish up here." I say and her eyes droop a little. Heather had a thing for me long before I met Lauren.

"Well," Heather tries to recover herself "when can we hang out?" she asks "just because you're dating that girl-"

"Lauren." I put in for her.

"Lauren." Heather smiles on Lauren's name, Heather can be pushy and possessive sometimes but no one can resist Lauren.

"It doesn't mean you can't hang out with your old friends too." She gives me a toothy smile and I shake my head at her, stifling another yawn. "Really, thanks." I say to her "but Lauren's waiting for me and she works in the morning." I tuck the dish into the rack and start on the pots. "I don't want her to worry."

"Right." Heather says "yeah, I get it." She pinches my cheek "just the considerate type, aren't you?" she laughs and she hopes of the counter, smoothing her skirt as she does. She smiles at me and I know there's no hard feelings. Heather gets it, a night out drinking doesn't even hold a candle to spending a night in with Lauren.

"Gotta get home to the bae." She clears her throat and takes a few steps back "maybe next time." she pauses at the doors.

"Maybe." I call back rubbing at my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Well… bye." Heather calls.

"bye." I yawn as the door swings closed. I go back to washing the pots and resting my eyes every few minutes so that I don't just pass out on Lauren when I get home. I want to spend a little bit of time with her before we both have to go to sleep and she has to go to work.

I stand on the train even though the seats are empty because I'm afraid I'll fall asleep and miss my stop again. my feet ache and my eye lids are heavier than eyelids should be but at least I'm on my way to Lauren now.

Lauren is exactly as I knew she'd be. She's curled up on the couch with a cup of tea in hand binge watching some show I keep seeing but still don't actually know the name of. I tiptoe behind her and I grab her from behind. She screams and her tea flies out of her hand onto the carpet.

"Alex!" She scolds me pressing her hand to her chest "not funny." She breathes a sigh exhaling her fright away. I laugh internally to myself, she's always 'breathing' something away.

"Miss me?" I ask as I grab her cup from the ground and slide onto the couch next to her. how she looks wide awake at three in the morning I'll never understand. The only sign she's ready for bed is her make-up free face. The shorts and tank top she's in could just as easily be yesterdays clothes as tonight's pajamas.

"I did until you did that." She whacks me against the chest and frowns at me but then a second passes her, her features smooth out and she wraps her arms around me and she's kissing me, and this time she's not breathing anything away, she's taking my breath away. I hold her in my arms and she slides onto my lap and she rests her head on my shoulder and I can see her getting tired now. As if her mind refused to rest until she saw me again. I scoop her into my arms, struggling a little as I stand. It's not that Lauren is heavy, although she's not a twig either, it's that I'm not really all that strong. Still, she helps me with her arms latched around my neck as I carry her across the living room and through the tiny hallway and we fall into bed.

"I love you." She sighs as she curls into my side. She could complain about my work clothes, they are gross and she is sleeping on me, but she doesn't. I love that she doesn't complain about things.

I slip my shirt off anyway because I know it gross. I kick my shoes off and I curl around her. She snores a few harsh snores and she turns onto her back and sprawls over top of me. Her hair falls into my mouth. I sputter it out and push it away from me but I leave her there. I don't mind it. I love that she's not perfect. I love that she's perfectly herself, perfectly Lauren.

I'm tired but I watch her anyway, I can sleep while she's at work tomorrow. I can make her a nice lunch before she comes home, I think we've got some eggs and a few vegetables in the fridge. I should really go to the grocery store tomorrow. Lauren always goes, I shouldn't expect her too, she gets busy too.

I'll go to the store and I'll cook her lunch tomorrow and if I can find some flowers on sale I'll get her those too. I squeeze her against my chest, she loves gestures like that. She doesn't need some grand fairytale, she deserves it but she doesn't look for it. She's just content with everything she has even if everything she has is a closet full of thrifted clothing and a fridge with a few eggs and possibly some vegetables. All I need is her, to be happy.

The sun assaults my eyes far too soon as Lauren's music plays from the kitchen and her tea kettle whistles. I groan and roll over, hiding my face in the blankets. _Five more minutes._

"I'll see you later." Lauren's voice is like music.

"Mmhmm." I nod _okay, get up now_ I tell myself. Lauren's lips are soft when she presses a kiss to my cheek.

"I'll bring home lunch." She whispers padding out of the room.

"mmhhmm." _Five more minutes_ I think pulling the blanket over my eyes.

" _Alex_ …" Lauren sings, the smell of sausage and egg coaxing me out of my sleep.

"mmhhmm." I yawn pulling myself out of my cocoon. "Awe yeah…" The paper crinkles as she presses the biscuit into my hands.

"Hey sleepy head." She giggles and kisses me. I love her kisses.

"Morning." I yawn around the bite of food in my mouth. She wrinkles her nose at the sight of my half-chewed food.

"Sorry." I cover my mouth slowly coming fully into the day.

"It's okay." She smiles at me, tilting her head so her hair falls over her shoulder. "but it's more like good afternoon now." She sits in her house shorts on the edge of the bed. I give her leg a squeeze they're a little prickly but I don't care, it just means she's comfortable around me. Besides, she never complains about me not shaving regularly. She's a full supporter of no shave November.

"What time is it?" I ask reaching for my phone. She catches my hand and climbs into my lap "Cuddle time." She says curling into my chest, she grabs an apple out of the bag on her arm and leans into me.

"It's always cuddle time with you." I snort. She nods and presses her head against my chest, her eyes closed as she munches on her apple.

"Cuddle time is a happy time." She says smiling.

"Yeah." I pull her hair off her shoulder and smooth it back. It doesn't quite stay with the big waves in it but at least she won't eat it by accident.

"What are you thinking about?" I take a giant bite out of my sandwhich.

"Bora Bora." She breathes dreamily. "How warm it is there, the villas on the water." She bites her apple "Maldives… same thing different location." She wraps her arm around me "basically just thinking of places I want to go with you the second we get the chance." She's smiling, there's no rush to her words. She's just dreaming of the adventures she'll have in time. I feel a pang of guilt because I can't give her these things yet and another pang because I was supposed to feed her today and she woke me with the scent of sausage and bacon. Lauren is the best girlfriend ever[GM1] and I can't even go to the grocery store for her.

"I'm thinking spaghetti for dinner tonight." She says turning the apple over in her hands.

"I can make spaghetti." I volunteer. She lets her head fall back so that I can look at her, she reaches up and pushes her hand into my hair, her semi colon tattoo sitting there on the inside of her wrist.

"Are you offering to cook me dinner?" Her smile fills her face and touches her eyes but I can see a little bit of a challenge there. I take her hand, my own semi colon tattoo hidden on the inside of my index finger.

"Yeah." I say, "I guess I am." I hunch over and kiss her, the apple juice is sweet on her lips.

"I love you." Her voice is soft, sincere. Her breath tickles me.

"I love you." I love her breath on my skin.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear You

Dear you,

I can't bear it any longer, I can't deal with him, I can't look at him, I can't watch him destroy himself. I won't watch it, either of them. I just can't, it'll break me and I'm already not doing too hot to start with.

I'm so sorry, I have to. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm leaving and I'm not speaking to him again, until I he gets himself together.

Lauren


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 3

"No, I told you no already." Lauren hisses at the phone, I can see her through the window in the living room.

"Absolutely not, you've made your choices and I've made mine and that's the end of it." Her voice quivers, she's angry and sad, her voice always does that when she's trying to be strong about things she doesn't want to be strong about.

"I'm happy." She says more firmly.

Like last year when her dog had to be put down. She didn't want to cry, she even quoted something from her favorite book. Someone about not saying goodbye because goodbyes meant forgetting. Something like that, I'm not good at quoting things like she is. I'm more of a gist kind of guy,

"That's the end of it, Owen, don't call me again." She lets her hand drop her phone away from her ear and she sits on the stoops of the apartment building. She hangs her head between her legs, the brim of her pale pinkish fedora hitting her knees. I hate seeing her sad.

I step out and sit beside her on the steps. She doesn't even react, her eyes are closed, there's a single tear slipping down her cheek. I use my index finger to wipe it away and she jumps. Her eyes filled with her surprise.

"Alex." She sighs and settles into an easy smile. The smile she reserves for me. "you gave me a fright." She pats her hand over her heart. I love the way she says things

"You okay?" I ask wrapping my arm around her, she leans into me and nods.

"Yeah, totally. Everything is good." She smiles and pushes herself to her feet. Her eyes are a little red but she puts on a good face.

"Who was on the phone?" I ask, she doesn't usually keep things from me.

"Oh nobody?" She waves it off and offers me her hand.

"Lauren." I shake my head at her. "You're a terrible liar."

She bites her lips and tilts her head and her eyes travel up to the sky for a moment.

"No one important." She amends bringing her eyes back to mine.

"Now we could keep talking about this." She says, "or we could go out and take a walk in the park, the same park we met in and…" she takes both of my hands and tugs me to my feet. "run into each other again."

"Are you asking to fall in love again?" I ask her. She bites her lips and looks to the sky again.

"A refresher is always good." She giggles and tugs me forward.

The park is nice, not too crowded, not too cold. Lauren bounce steps beside me, her arms locked around mine, her hair swinging behind her in her hastily thrown up pony tail. She hums a song I don't recognize as her eyes trail over the world.

"It's by Niall." She says her eyes resting on min.

"oh yeah?" I ask.

She nods "yeah, it's new; it's called Flicker." She twirls out in front of me and starts to sing out loud. I can't even focus on the words as she takes me hands and makes them dance. She holds my arm up and spins under it and she sways and she smiles and god I love her soul.

"Dance with her!" A man's voice calls out and people cheer and I let her lead me across the pavement as I take her in my arms. The crowd cheers again as I pull her close and she rests her head on my shoulder.

"I love you." I whisper to her.

"I love you." She hugs me close and pulls her back just enough for a kiss.

"In front of all these people?" I ask. She just smiles, big and beautiful and Lauren.

"What people?"

I peck her on the mouth, soft, sweet, her favorite kind of kiss. The small crowd that gathered around cheers. I look up past her and see a much older couple dancing while they sing together.

"Yeah!" Lauren cheers, her eyes misting up as she watches the older couples dancing. Their grey hair and canes and bent postures but Lauren looks at them like she's at some amazing ballet. She's bouncing on her feet and a tear slips down her cheek. I wrap my arm around her and press a kiss to her temple.

"That'll be us someday." I say.

"Yeah?" She asks.

"Promise." I say as she dabs at her eyes trying to smear her makeup.

"They're just really beautiful." She giggles, her eyes still watching the couples. Some of the crowd as taken a seat and are just watching the couple dance.

A middle-aged man sings to a little girl, she dances on his shoes and laughs, her hair is a mess, and there's something all over her mouth and chin but the man, her father, kisses her nose and spins her.

"Love is so beautiful." She wraps her arms around herself and just watches and I squeeze her to my side because I fall in love with her every time we come here[GM1] . I love falling in love with her. I pull her just a little closer.

"What would you do if you were sick?" Lauren asks, her smile gentle and sad and beautiful, her eyes still on the couples.

"ask you to make me chicken soup." I chuckle. She shakes her head and finally meets my eyes.

"I mean _really_ sick, like you could die any day, sick." Her eyes are big and there's something there that I rarely see. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. It's like worry but different.

"Like cancer?" I ask her. she nods, her hands are clasped together. She does that when she anxious.

"If I was sick and I was dying and I could go any minute…" I think about it for a second. I'm not a big dreamer like Lauren is. I don't care about traveling the world and seeing everything like she does. I squeeze her arm.

"I'd love you, I'd love you with every single breath I have left and even when my breaths stopped, I'd figure out a way to keep loving you." A smile breaks out over her face and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me.

The man dancing with the little girl walks past us, the little girl still spinning and singing as she trails after her dad. I wrap my arms firmly around Lauren and I can't help it, I sniff her hair just a little. It smells like flowers.

"I'll love you with every breath too." Her voice is so quiet I wonder if she really wanted me to hear her.

"Come on." She pulls away and her eyes are dry and she's got her smile on and she's got a bounce in her step. She pulls me forward. She's always pulling me forward, making me move even when I don't want to.

"Are we going to start another ball in the middle of another park?" I tease her.

She shrugs "possibly."

"Well as long as you're there." _This would make a good scene for a book_ I can't help but think. Lauren hums and pulls me along with her.

Lauren perches on the couch with her book in her lap, her hair falls over the back of the couch and she smiles into the book. I love watching her read. She never tries to hide what she's feeling. Everything is just there on her face and there's no guessing with her.

"It's almost read." I call out to her as I strain the noodles. The sauce is already hot and the bowls are out.

"Do you need any help?" she dropped her head back over the arm of the couch to see me, her hair touches the floor.

"Nope, I got it." I wave her off "enjoy your book."

"Smells good, love muffin." She giggles and I roll my eyes, but I love it. I love it when she calls me random names. It means she's happy.

"Alright." I call to her, using the tongs to place some noodles in the bowls and ladling some sauce over it. I peek up in time to see Lauren's mouth drop and her eyes crinkle. She puts her book mark into the book and the book on the couch as she pads over to me. she ties her hair back before hugging me from behind.

"thank you." She nuzzles my back "it smells good." I laugh and take grab the bowls.

"It's spaghetti, there's not much I could do to mess it up." I set Lauren's bowl down at the end of the table closet to the window and take the seat beside her.

"You could have burned the sauce." She takes a seat "or overcooked the noodles." She smiles and twirls the spaghetti on her spoon. She blows on it before taking the bite way to big for her mouth, she drops her head back.

"mmhmm." She sighs "so good." Her mouth is still full. I shake my head. I don't have any words as Lauren digs in and mmhhms and sighs. The truth is this is probably the blandest spaghetti she's ever had. She uses spices and adds olives and spinach and basil to hers and I heated up some canned sauce and cooked some noodles.

I take a bite of my own bowl, half expecting to taste something amazing, from Lauren's expressions but it's just as I expect. Tomato sauce on noodles. Lauren doesn't let up once though. She cleans her bowl and even gets seconds and repeats the whole thing. I laugh quietly to myself.

Her eyes drift to the window and she just enjoys the view of the city. She loves the lights, the energy, she loves the no one sleeps here.

"Wanna do something tonight?" I ask her, she nods, her eyes still entranced by the city.

"Wanna call, Aaron and Veronica?" I ask, she nods again never taking her eyes from the city.

"I'll call them after I clean up." I take our bowls to the sink and grab some foil from the cabinet.

"I can call them." Lauren reaches for her phone in her pocket, keeping her eyes on the city like she's looking for something and she's afraid she's gonna miss it.

"Lauren?" I ask.

"Hhmm." She tilts her head toward me but doesn't look at me.

"You okay?" I ask. Finally, she gives me her eyes and she smiles and nods.

"Of course." She giggles a little "just thinking about the couples dancing, it was so sweet." She turns her eyes back to the window as she presses her phone to her ear.

"Yeah, it was." I agree. Lauren drifts off a lot but there's something bothering her, and that phone call she got. She must be waiting for the right time to tell me.

"Veronica!" Lauren shrieks louder than I anticipate. I can here Veronica on the other line, shriek just as loud.

"let's do something tonight." Lauren is all excited now, her eyes bright as she stares out the window.

"Oh my goodness, y _es!_ " Lauren hopes out of the chair.

"Yes, glow up for sure so we can get some pictures while we're out." Lauren giggles at something Veronica says and leans back against the window frame.

I tuck the spaghetti and the sauce in the fridge for an equally unsatisfying breakfast tomorrow. Lauren hangs up and turns to me.

"Where to?" I ask.

"We're going to the ball." She bounds past me and down the hall. I smile, that was the place I took her for our first date.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, you,

I didn't leave. They need me but I need me too. I don't know how much time I have but I guess this is it. I guess this was card I was dealt and I just have to deal with it. I guess I just have to suck it up.

I want to be free, I just want to be free of him.

Lauren


End file.
